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2. |
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hello, my misery
you look so lovely
sitting here against the wall,
i hear your voice
i hear your call
your fingers dance upon my skin
you’ll never leave
never again
your heart drops down into my lap
it beats for me
it beats so fast
how can i let you go?
i’ll meld your body to my soul
you’ll never leave my side
you and i will be like the day and night
your blood pools down to my feet
so cold it feels
so icy
it’s as though you’ve been gone
but that can’t be
you’re here with me
how can i let you go?
i’ll meld your body to my soul
you’ll never leave my side
you and i will be like the day and night
i’m the sun and you’re the moon
i cannot live without you
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the future, i see it
so brightly with you
holding your hand in mine, you’re not a ghost
the stars erupt
you’re right here with me
forever
hold me down beneath the sea
let me know you’re here with me
beneath the waves, i hear you sing
a siren song
you swim to me
you grab my hair and kiss my teeth
you lick my tongue and eat my dreams
i can’t escape this hell
each morning, i reach for you
but you’re not there
you’re never there
the stars crash into the water
you fly back away from me
i reach out for you,
but i grab a burning rock
in my bleeding hand
the cut from you a final reminder
pain is all i have left
but still i’ll search through this ocean
trying to find a single piece of you
i can’t escape this hell
each morning, i reach for you
but you’re not there
you’re never there
i reach for you
but you’re not there
you’re never there
you’re never there
i’ll swim these seas forever
holding this burning star tightly to my bleeding palm
the pain will keep you here until the day i find you
and tell you you are missed
and tell you you are loved
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4. |
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5. |
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tears stain my eyes like glass
magma boils up inside my chest
the blood is spilling out on the tiles
your face is haunting my dreams
i wish i could stop hating you
i wish i could stop being mad at you
but knowing you left me here fills me with a sense of melancholy
just one word from you could make this anger subside
just one word from you could help me sleep at night
my heart burns at the bottom of the ocean
waiting for you
the flames will never stop rising out from my core
i need you here with me
i can’t let go of this rage
why did you leave me here?
don’t you care?
(don’t you care?)
i wish i could stop hating you
i wish i could stop being mad at you
but knowing you left me here fills me with a sense of melancholy
just one word from you could make this anger subside
just one word from you could help me sleep at night
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6. |
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your blonde hair sliding through my fingertips
it quickly falls down
my lungs give out
screaming at you
screaming for you
begging you to stay
why won’t you just stay?
why do you go away?
is this not enough for you?
what can i do?
i fall to the ground
my lungs are empty now
but my mind is full
full of memories
down the drain, pools the blood
red like fire
red like anger
warm like mud
spilling out these emotions
harboring for you like poison
in my body
these memories i have for you
real or not, they are true
true to me and the sadness i feel
each time i see your face
and cry myself to sleep at night
with fresh wounds boiling up with rage at you
crying out in the night,
i feel your hand wrap around mine
i feel your lips on my neck
your heart beats in my hand -
fast as a deer’s as it runs
away from the bang of a gun
oh god - the gun
the room is too bright
don’t make me look down
down, down, into the ground
where your feet hang down into the ground
and the blood from your head
pools down, down, into the ground
and i kick the knife
and i cry out
as those panels stand mocking me
i can’t escape them
everywhere i go,
those panels in my head
a memory that i never had
yet it feels so real
like i was there
in that room
i could have saved you
i could have saved you
you pull me out of the room
you breathe into me
you feel so alive
i hate you
knowing that you’ll be gone
when i wake up
how could you leave me here
to deal with this on my own?
didn’t you think about that at all?
down the drain, pools the blood
red like fire
red like anger
warm like mud
spilling out these emotions
harboring for you like poison
in my body
these memories i have for you
real or not, they are true
true to me and the sadness i feel
each time i see your face
and cry myself to sleep at night
with fresh wounds boiling up with rage at you
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7. |
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8. |
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god came to me in a dream
i begged her to bring you home to me
she closed her eyes and turned away from me
your room beckons to me
for once it looks inviting
soft light pours in
your hair lines the bed
a shadow on the wall in the shape of you
fall into me
i swear i hear you breathing
i know you’re not there
but for now i’ll pretend you’re there
fire falls from heaven
angels bring you home to me
the stench of ash fills up the room
replacing the odor of blood -
replacing the smell of you
i lift the star in my hands
and watch it burn them
fire falls from heaven
angels bring you home to me
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9. |
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in these daydreams,
i keep you here with me
in these daydreams,
you never leave me
in these daydreams,
i have a time machine,
and i keep you safe and sound
i know if i just keep hoping,
i can bring you back
we will be together
at the end of the world
your fingers clasped in mine,
we’ll watch as the world ends
in these nightmares,
i see you on that bed
in these nightmares,
you never come back
in these nightmares,
i never see you again
not even at the end
no matter what i do,
i can’t find you
no matter how hard i pray,
you never find me
i know if i just keep hoping,
i can bring you back
we will be together
at the end of the world
your fingers clasped in mine,
we’ll watch as the world ends
my cries fall on deaf ears
what must i do just to see you?
just to hold you?
just to tell you that i love you?
just to tell you that you’re not alone?
these wounds won’t heal
until i have you back
my heart bleeds in your hands
the blood is running out
please save me
just come home to me
please
i’ll die to bring you home to me
i would do anything
anything you ask of me
just come home to me
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10. |
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11. |
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inside this dream,
petals fall like rain and dance
all the way across the sky
the clouds float by no longer weighing me down
in that dream,
i see that town -
kråkstad
your body cuts through the illusion of my dreaming
and here now i am alone
i can’t escape this nightmare
no matter how much i try to fight it
i’m haunted by that house
it turns my world dark and sad
that window cries out to me
the things it’s seen -
like me, it can’t erase
a red spot -
damn, that spot
blood -
no, i turn and look away
here in these dreams,
even here i’m not safe
from these memories
which don’t belong to me
i can’t escape this nightmare
no matter how much i try to fight it
i’m haunted by that house
it turns my world dark and sad
darkness closing in
i hear the sound of walls shutting me in
i smell iron heavy and thick in the air
candle flames burn out
leaving me here in darkness to survive on my own
shadows creep upon the walls
i am not alone
and there in the ashes of the fire,
that picture still intact,
still perfectly vivid
making me as always so sad
mocking me
clinging desperately to my pain
knowing it will never go away
feeding on me until my essence is drained
i look forward to that day
where i’ll hold him in my arms and say,
“there you are
how i’ve missed you
let’s go home
to transylvania”
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12. |
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the razor’s edge bubbles with blood
what would he say if he saw me this way?
all of my blood can’t bring him back
no tears, no pain
will change that fact
here on the floor,
bathroom stained with blood,
i dig my nails straight through my bones
i cry out his name
i can’t carry all this pain
the razor slips from my fingertips
a line of red paints the ground
my eyes follow it -
i see him standing there
here on the floor,
bathroom stained with blood,
i dig my nails straight through my bones
i cry out his name
i can’t carry all this pain
here in my nightmare,
the picture lines the walls
covered in blood,
vomit comes up
glass shatters
i see your eyes
here in this nightmare,
you save my life
i can’t get out,
but with you i’d stay forever
here in this darkness
flames raging around us
this hell will be our heaven
here in my nightmare,
the picture burns on the walls
covered in blood,
fire rises up
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13. |
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14. |
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in the clouds of black, your smile breaks through the dark
a rainbow shatters through the veil
“there’s no reason to be sad,”
i hear you call to me
“carry on my legacy”
i promise him i will
no one will ever forget him
in his eyes, the future shines so bright
no reason to cry
i’ll see him in another life
in a castle in the sky,
you are there waiting for me
i hope i made you proud
thank you for all you’ve given me
you are my destiny
thus i know i’ll see you eventually
the rainbow crashes down
the tears on my cheeks dry out
in his eyes, the future shines so bright
no reason to cry
i’ll see him in another life
bats follow me
remind me of you
i no longer fear the dark
it wraps me like your arms
i’m not afraid to die
i’ll see you in another life
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15. |
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these nightmares were dreams
they were you calling to me
this fire wasn’t flame
it was a sign calling my name
this misery wasn’t eternal
it was the beginning of a journey with you
your legacy will live forever
out from the dark and into the light
these clouds which trail behind me
are cracking open with holy light
the light from your eyes
the light from your smile
here i am to honor you
and all the horses who ran from the cliff
the sound of splashing water
will haunt the earth forever
here in this cold place we call home
out of the dark and into the light
here our grief shines
a reminder that we’re alive
even when we’re not alive
here i am
reaching out to touch
this rainbow you’ve left me
like you, i can’t feel it
but i know it’s here with me
and i know i’ll see it again
and this is not an illusion
out of the dark and into the light
here our grief shines
a reminder that we’re alive
even when we’re not alive
even when we’re not alive
even when we’re not alive
even when we’re not alive
even when we’re not alive
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16. |
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january,
these tears stain my eyes
january,
the snowfall looks like raining blood
january,
catch me in your wings
january,
i feel your ghostly arms around me
on this cold night,
i’d die
if i could be by your side
tonight of all nights,
i’d die to be by your side
with blood running cold on this winter’s night,
i’d give up my life
just to see you smile
just to hear your laugh
through the tree branches,
i swear i saw your cloudy eyes
as though you were
alive
a day meant for joy
corrupted by pain
only sorrow follows me now
here in the winter,
i meet with my friend
the angel of death
january,
these tears stain my eyes
january,
the snowfall looks like raining blood
january,
catch me in your wings
january,
i feel your ghostly arms around me
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released February 5, 2021
Espi Kvlt - vocals and lyrics
Chris H - music and mixing
Nastek - cover artwork
Astral Gaze Logos - logo design
Mastered by Aki McCullough at Nu House Studios
